Photo by Andrew Octavian Sasmita/Eyeem. We all know that nothing in this world is certain except death and taxes. But to that you could easily add arguing. Whether you are someone who shies away from
confrontation or someone who loves it, arguing with other people at some point in your life is inescapable and can happen for any reason. And while the occasional spat with a stranger over the last bag of spinach in Tesco can be chalked up to a stressful day at work, arguing with the people you love can be
much more fraught, more emotional and, often, more stupid. When you begin a new romantic relationship, the idea of fighting with the person you're falling in love with feels so unfathomable and painful that you might assume it can't or shouldn't happen. But having that first fight, whether it's about the washing up or who ignored whom at the bus stop, is by no means a make-or-break moment. In fact,
research suggests that couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficulties under the carpet. Whether or not they ultimately stayed together, these stories about first arguments show that building a life together requires give and take, and
that listening and learning from each other is key. Who knew? At least you can get some funny anecdotes along the way, too.
The first fight in a relationship feels like someone slapped you in the face. It’s like someone took your rose-colored glasses and shattered them to pieces. Then took the pieces and pierced your heart.
The first argument is usually the sign that the “honeymoon phase” is over, which is not as bad as you think. It’s actually good because this is what makes or breaks a relationship.
No one thinks about how to handle a fight in a relationship in the first couple of weeks. Why would you? But once we start really getting to know each other, we get to see that our Prince charming is not perfect at all, or that our Goddess can be annoying too at times.
How does a relationship change after the first fight?
It’s inevitable it will happen. What can you do to fight for your relationship instead of fighting with each other?
Don’t let the first fight in a relationship start the end of you.
The first argument is definitely not the last, but it’s a milestone and an obstacle to be overcome, not a chance to find all the reasons you’re not the right fit for each other.
The first fight in a relationship is the start of a new chapter for the two of you. It’s a test to see how willing you both are to invest time and patience, effort, and understanding into your relationship.
It can be a great way to strengthen your relationship. Change the perspective and seek for good in it. This way, you will find a way to overcome it and have a strong, loving, and respectful relationship with your partner.
10 ways to survive that first fight
Learn to fight for your relationship through developing a mutual language of love and understanding, not undermining and undervaluing each other. Check out these 10 ways to survive it:
1. Don’t text if you’re mad at them
Literally, the worst thing you can do is try to solve a problem through texts. Wait till you both have some time to sit down and talk in person about what’s going on, especially when it comes to the first fight in a relationship.
When we text, the other person can easily misunderstand what we wanted to say, and that’s when things get even worse.
The first fight with a girlfriend or boyfriend is definitely an important milestone and should be addressed seriously.
2. Take a deep breath and step back
Don’t make an elephant out of a fly. The first argument is just a sign your relationship is maturing.
Take a step back and try to be as objective as possible. Is this our first fight because there is a serious disagreement, or is it something that can be easily solved by making a compromise?
3. Think about them first
When we’re in the middle of the first fight in a relationship, it’s too easy to slip into egoistic behavior and think only about us and how we feel.
Shift the perspective and think about the other person. How did they feel before the argument escalated, and why couldn’t you communicate more effectively to see this coming?
When we’re focused only on ourselves, we think small and selfishly, but when we include the other person and put them in the spotlight, we are more caring, make different and better decisions that help both partners grow.
4. No better time than now
Don’t push it under the rug. Couples’ first fight can be very stressful, and therefore, partners have a tendency to overlook the disagreement and try to act as if nothing has happened just because they don’t want their fairy tale bubble to burst.
The sooner you address the issue and talk it out, the better.
You have to resolve the fight in order to move on to the next phase of your relationship, so don’t wait because you are robbing yourselves of the chance to be happy and experience new, exciting things together.
5. Fact it out
Humans are very emotional beings (at least most of us are), and we can easily snap at each other for things that might have never even happened.
Sit down and talk about what is going on, how to get over the fight, and how to survive the fight without hurting each other with words you didn’t mean to say. Surely you have experienced the “wreath” of an angry person: shouting, swearing, using all secret weapons to hurt you.
Choose wiser, don’t react. Respond.
What are the facts?
Once you lay out the facts, you will realize you both have very different perspectives of the same situation, and this is why you’re fighting.
The first fight in a relationship doesn’t have to be a reason for ongoing dramas if you focus on what’s really going on and stop making up scenarios in your head.
6. The magic word
I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not “I’m sorry.” It’s “compromise.” Your way is not working for everyone. For some people, a romantic date is a walk by the beach. For others, it’s a night in with pizza and a good movie.
Why not do both?
Learning to compromise will prevent relationship fights and will create a good balance and harmony in your relationship. If you’re in the middle of your first fight in a relationship, think about how you can come up with a solution that is a compromise – a mixture of both of your wants.
It works like magic.
7. It’s not black & white
Bickering in relationships can often lead to rash statements such as “we should break up” or “we’re not good for each other.” I see you’re nodding your head. We’ve all been there.
The first fight in a relationship may be about bigger things as well, but if it’s bickering that got you into a fight, just know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and good relationships take effort and patience.
If you’re bickering in your relationship and asking yourself, “Is this our first fight.”
Well, ask yourself, do you want it to be? Or will you be mature enough to accept anything less than perfect and, in return, get a loving relationship and possibly happily ever after?
8. Forgive and let go
People tend to say “I’m sorry” when they don’t really mean it, and they also say they have forgiven, but they hold grudges. Forgive and let go. Make space for new memories by “deleting” the ones you don’t like.
It’s water under the bridge, and the worst thing you can do in your first fight (or any fight) is to bring up things that bothered you from ages ago that you never had the courage to say to the other person.
If something is bothering you, clear the air, don’t keep quiet, and save it like ammo for the next relationship fights.
If we tend to think about the first fight in a relationship long after it happened, it can scar us for life, and holding the grudge is just fertilizing the soil for new disagreements to arise in the future.
9. Listen more, speak less
If you asked any relationship expert on how to handle fights in a relationship or to build better relationships in general, they would say listen more and speak less.
Nowadays, it seems people listen only to hear when the other person stops talking so they could start speaking. Be a good listener. You will detect disagreements or unhappiness easier, and you won’t have to get into a first fight, or any fight not only with partners but with other people too.
Tune in to what they are saying, listen to the words they are speaking, and observe their body language too. Sometimes people use hurtful words to cover up their own weaknesses, yet we think they are aiming them against us when in reality, they are just a mirror of their own insecurities.
Related Reading: 20 Tips for Fighting Fair in a Relationship10. B.O.A.H
Are you currently going through your first fight in a relationship, and you feel lost? Take the B.O.A.H approach.
Be Open and Honest. Spill the beans.
Tell them how you feel and be vulnerable. We all know that the honeymoon phase can’t last forever, so don’t be afraid to take the “mask” off and show them you, too, have weak spots.
This will help them understand you much better. We can’t expect a happy and harmonious relationship without both partners being ready to open up and talk about their feelings, wants, fears and insecurities.
The video below discusses why it is important to be honest at the beginning of a relationship and how it helps instill positivity.
Takeaway
An old lady who was happily married for almost 80 years said that the secret to her happy marriage is that she was born in a time when things were fixed and not thrown away after they got broken.
The same applies to our relationships. Work it out, talk it out and accept that no one is perfect.