A recent study showed that 41% of American adults have cohabitated at some point with someone who is not their spouse. That is an increase of almost 72% in 10 years. “Do not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14), is a commandment very relevant for today. The purpose of this command is not to forbid something negative, but to protect something positive. There are those who want sex without marriage, and married couples not having sex because their marriage is a mess. God wants the absolute best for us! Show
The Covenant of Sexuality “Thou shalt not commit adultery” is the negative. The positive is, “Thou shalt have a great marriage!” Marriage is a covenant not a contract. A contract says, “If you will I will,” but a covenant is a sacrificial commitment saying, “I am committed for better or for worse.” The institution of marriage is God’s plan, not man’s (Gen. 2:18-25). Any biblical understanding of gender and sex starts with Genesis. Man was not alone. There were plenty of animals, but there was no one correspondingto him. Adam and Eve were made to compliment and balance each other. No wonder I call Tammy “my better half!” God’s design from the beginning was male and female. He told them to be fruitful and multiply. Jesus affirms the definition of marriage in Matthew 19 as a covenant of sexuality between a man and a woman (v. 4-6). The biblical term “cleave” (also translated bond, join, unite, etc.) literally means to glue, bondtogether, bind, a promise, an oath. The marriage covenant is made before God. Adultery defiles that covenant. The goal in marriage according to the world is self-fulfillment. According to Scripture, the goal is to glorify God. It is a picture of the gospel and the relationship between Jesus and His church. Jesus never leaves us or forsakes us. Marriage is about showing forgiveness, mercy, and grace. God is faithful even when we are unfaithful. He enables us to be faithful even when we feel like giving up. Sexuality is a fire and marriage is the fireplace where it burns! The Conflict of Immorality You don’t have to go looking for immorality, it will come looking for you! Singles are tempted with fornication and married people are tempted with adultery. For every Samson there is a Delilah. For every David there is a Bathsheba. The devil attacked Adam and Eve after they married. After the wedding came the war! Satan has chosen sex, and the perversion of it, to attack God. What kind of sex is off limits? Any sex outside of God’s original design, which is sex between a man and a woman united in a marriage covenant. There is a general assumption in our culture that rules are bad. We think real freedom is essential to happiness, and true happiness comes from throwing off any constraints. Real freedom is found not in living by desire, but by design! Every game has rules. Without them the game is not special. Satan deceives us into believing lies – “Follow your heart”, “But we really love each other,” “But we are engaged,” etc. Scripture says, “Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18). When you do things your way, instead of God’s, you are only bringing guilt, shame, and pain on your own soul. The Choice of Purity If we believe God is pro-life, we also believe God is pro-sex! So how did sex become taboo? Repulsive? Dirty? Satan perverts everything. Satan does everything he can to get couples to have sex before marriage, and everything he can to keep couples from having sex after marriage! We must not let the devil or secular culture hijack what God said is good. The Bible is the final authority on marriage, not Hollywood! We must reclaim the gift of sex God gave in marriage. Biblical sex is NOT between a man and a man, a woman and a woman, nor is it between a man and a woman. It is for a husband and wife. The 7th commandment teaches sex outside of marriage is sin. Jesus said adultery is deeper than a physical act. He said that “everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). Jesus focused on the attitude that leads to the act. In order to avoid the act, you have to address the heart. You can’t play around with temptation. Sin has to be put it to death. Go to war against sin! Maybe you wish you had heard about God’s plan for marriage earlier. Maybe you’ve messed up. I have good news! The Bible is full of people who committed sexual sin. There is forgiveness in Jesus! He will take away all your guilt and shame. In John 8 we read about a woman caught in adultery. Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you… Go, and from now on do not sin anymore” (v. 11). God's seventh commandment states, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). The precise definition of "adultery" is "voluntary sexual intercourse by a married person with one who is not his or her spouse." As with each commandment, the strongest terms are used, but all sexual impurity and that which promotes or leads to it is forbidden by this commandment. Chastity and purity of life is required. God is a pure and holy Being. He hates all impurity and uncleanness. Man was created to reflect God's image, to love purity, and to hate uncleanness. Human sexuality and marriage are gifts and institutions of God. This truth is confirmed in the first chapters of Genesis, as shown in the chart to the right. The Bible clearly establishes in its opening chapters and reconfirms throughout both testaments that sexuality within marriage is not something that is wrong, dirty, or shameful; but rather it is a God-created and God-given gift. It is a precious blessing given by God before sin even entered this world.
In Paradise, God established three precious human institutions. After man's fall into sin, these principles of human life remain as precious gifts from God. Each of the three blessings, however, have been distorted and corrupted by sinful man. God's institutions, their respective desires, and corresponding corruptions are summarized in the following chart.
As with all God's gifts, fallen man also misuses and corrupts God's precious blessing of human sexuality and marriage. The sinful distortions which God forbids in the seventh commandment include all forms of non-marital sex (premarital, extra-marital, or homosexual) and all that promotes sinful, sexual lusting in thought, word, or action. Present-day examples include vulgar talking or joking; provocative stories or pictures; pornography; immodest dress; and modern television, theater, music, and dancing. Due to their promotion and prevalence in our society, it is necessary to briefly examine each of these sinful abuses in turn. God condemns all forms of non-marital sex both very clearly and very strongly in His Word. The following texts provide several examples of this truth. Premarital and extra-marital sex (including rape and incest)⤒🔗And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. if a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. Deuteronomy 22:22 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness. Galatians 5:19 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. But that we write unto them, they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood. Acts 15:20 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints. Ephesians 5:3 Homosexuality (both male and female)←⤒🔗
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Beastiality←⤒🔗Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Exodus 22:19 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Leviticus 18:23 God also clearly forbids all sinful, sexual lusting and that which promotes illicit sexual activity, as exemplified below: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5 The following are ten reasons why all teens and adults must avoid premarital sex; ten answers to the question, "Why wait?" Why Wait? – Ten Reasons for Avoiding Premarital Sex←⤒🔗
The following examples illustrate the truth of some of the previous ten reasons for avoiding premarital sex. When she was seventeen, Linda had dated Russ, who was three years older, a few times. She really liked him and didn't want to lose him. One Friday night, he talked her into going to a party at a "friend's" place. His friend's parents were away for the weekend and some guys had brought several cases of beer. Linda felt uncomfortable with the loud music, drinking, and joking. She asked Russ once if they could leave, but he became quite angry with her for suggesting that, so she didn't dare ask again. Russ seemed to lose interest in her after that and her attraction to him also seemed to disappear. At first, she was very worried, but then thankful that she did not become pregnant. A few years later, she met Chris. Their dating years together were wonderful and she happily married him when she was twenty-one. Their marriage was blessed in many ways; they deeply loved one another. However, after being married for several years, Linda came to speak to her minister. Between tears and sobs, she poured out her broken heart to him. "I love my husband dearly and I want to enjoy myself with him so badly. But so often, just at the special times when I want to most enjoy our closeness, my mind is filled with my first sexual experience. I clearly see Russ! I relive the fears and feelings of that 'first time' – the pangs of conscience, the fear that someone would open the door, the fear that my parents would find out, the fear that I would become pregnant, the feeling of guilt, of being used, and of degrading myself. These feelings overwhelm me and I have to cry. I can't help it! Chris is so loving; he gently asks me what's wrong. But I can't tell him! He would be so deeply hurt. Oh, Reverend, what can I do? What can I do?" The true meaning of "love" needs to be distinguished from common, false uses of this term today. True love centers in the other person, the one that is loved, not in self. It desires that which is best for the other. It delights to self-sacrifice for the other. It reassures the other. It would rather endure personal suffering than have the other suffer. It testifies of deep commitment to the other person. True love loves the other's personhood, who he or she is – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is much deeper, nobler, and more authentic than only physical attraction or romantic excitement. It loves to give, not to get. It loves to love. This beautiful, rich, and true biblical view of human love is contradicted by two shallow and false worldly views regarding love today – "infatuation" and "lust." Infatuation is shallow and self-centered. It "loves" the feeling of romantic excitement in having a boyfriend or girlfriend. It "loves" the status and security which the relationship provides among peers. The following example illustrates infatuation. Notice that the person's "love" is self-centered, and the other person is only an object which is used to provide a certain degree of self-pleasing excitement and status. Karl's high school graduation was approaching. He knew that almost everyone would be bringing a date to the dinner evening. He pictured the evening in his mind and wanted a date that would impress his friends. Suddenly he thought of Nancy and asked her. That evening, he liked the feeling of excitement of having Nancy riding with him in his car and of walking into the hall with her. Lust is also shallow and self-centered. It "loves" the other person physically – it desires the other in a lustful, sexual way. There is no true "love" in lust. It will use (rather, "misuse") the other person to satisfy its own desires. Vince had dated Alice three times, and tonight they were going out for their fourth date. Alice liked him, but his insistence on "going parking" and his pushing of physical intimacy bothered her. She had to stop him more than once. She thought he really liked her, yet she was worried about what might happen if they grew to love one another. Vince was also thinking about his date with Alice. His thoughts, however, centered on how to get through the first part of the evening quickly to have more time for "parking." Had Alice realized this or had she been aware of his bragging (and exaggerating) when sharing with the other guys at school about "how far he got," she would have dropped him immediately. Did Vince care about Alice at all – her personhood, welfare, and reputation? How are lust and love Lust and infatuation arise from opposite motivations of "true love." Modern society promotes the first two; God's Word teaches the last. The contrast is pictured in the charts below. Why is the biblical view of love far deeper, richer, nobler, and more authentic? Two Opposing Views of Human Love←⤒🔗←⤒🔗Dating Guidelines←⤒🔗To guard against various possible dating dangers and to promote successful dating relationships, the following practical guidelines are helpful:
If you continue to date someone, plan a wide variety of activities. This will help you learn more about the person you are dating by seeing him or her in different situations. Possibilities include the following, and many more:
Very few couples plunge from no physical contact to premarital sex in one great dive. A vast majority move step by step in expression of physical intimacy. Be realistic. As love grows, the desire for greater physical intimacy also grows – even without love, it will! When one step is taken by the couple, the excitement and appeal will center upon the next step. When the opportunity and mood are present, the couple will quite quickly move to the same depth of intimacy expression they reached previously. Therefore, the need for constant pacing is a realistic need in the lives of all dating couples. Without proper pacing, the couple's dating time will end in a physically-dominated relationship with its problems, tensions, and guilt. Both dating partners are responsible for the healthy pacing of their dating friendship. Some young men act as if the following thought were true: "This is my girlfriend's responsibility; she should tell me when I'm going too far." Such thinking is selfish, not loving. It attempts to escape his share of the responsibility by throwing all the weight upon his girlfriend. This is the opposite of true love. To continually be forced to stem her boyfriend's advances, especially if he becomes upset with her, is a difficult emotional burden. The loving and caring boyfriend wants to relieve and not increase his girlfriend's burdens.
The following examples illustrate various truths from the seven previous dating guidelines. Ellen received a phone call from a young man she met in one of her college classes. He asked her to go out to dinner with him to celebrate his birthday, as he was an out-of-town student and had no family locally. Ellen's parents advised her not to go. "Ellen, you do not even know anything about his background," her mother warned. Ellen became disgusted with her parents. "I'm not going to marry him, I'm only going to dinner with him to help him celebrate his birthday!" she retorted. "Can't you trust me?" Disgustedly, she went to her room. "Why do they always have to worry so much?" she complained to herself. Despite her parents' advice, she joined Randy for his birthday. They went to a beautiful restaurant, had a candlelight dinner, and a wonderful evening of conversation. Randy treated her with such esteem and handled himself so admirably that she really enjoyed the evening with him, and was sorry when it came to a close. A few days later, Randy saw her with some friends in the college cafeteria and came over to talk to her. When he left, her friends commented on what a neat and attractive guy he was. Ellen could not help agreeing! The following week, they met again and Randy asked her to go with him on Saturday. He had to collect certain tidal pool specimens for his Biology class. They could spend the afternoon by the ocean. It would be really neat! The park there was beautiful and so were the waves. Ellen did not know what to say. His request caught her by surprise. He was so excited about going and so expectant that she would be too! She decided to go, but to use this opportunity to explain that she could not form a dating relationship with him because he was not from any church background. "Let's climb those rocks!" he then said, and taking her hand, he led the way. Ellen was shocked to feel such excitement as they climbed hand in hand. After sitting together for a while on the highest point overlooking the bay and enjoying the cool breeze, she found that she really liked it when he put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder. Ellen's parents tried to dissuade her, but emotionally, she was excited about Randy. Dating led to engagement, and engagement to marriage. During this time, things had gone well, Ellen thought. He even came to church with her once a Sunday – well, most Sundays, and when he did not, he always had a good excuse. Of course, they could not pray together or talk about spiritual things, but she hoped that would come later – after they were married for a few years. He had promised that he would try in the future. At different times, she had doubts, but then Randy would win her over with his tenderness and sincerity. After marriage, however, his church attendance slackened. He just could not understand such a lengthy sermon, he said. Later he began to dislike her going to church twice on Sunday. "Why do I have to stay home alone every Sunday?" he asked. "You get to go to church every Sunday like you want. Why can't you miss once a month and go hiking like I want?" After their first child was born and growing up, problems really set in. Ellen wanted family Bible-reading and prayer at the table. She could not endure the thought of her child growing up without family devotions at the table. Randy objected, but Ellen insisted. Randy then left the table when Ellen read and prayed. Serious arguments took place regarding the costs for Christian education which was rapidly approaching, language usage, and a host of other lifestyle questions. But Ellen's heart broke when her three-year-old said before Bible-reading, "Mom, I'm going in the other room with Daddy. I don't like to pray and read the Bible." When she heard her husband snicker, her broken heart poured forth in sobs which she could not control. Randy finally decided that they could no longer live together if she was going to be so stubborn about her religion. He gave her the choice of either him or her religion. She pleaded with him to stay, but she could not give up her religion. So he left her heartbroken at twenty-five years of age. A court battle for custody of their child followed. Emotionally, Ellen would not have made it through all of the stress and problems, but the Lord and her family faithfully supported her. Ellen's story is repeated in various forms in hundreds of marriages. In every case the persons in their dating years claimed with sincere assurance, "With us it will be different!" God, however, states, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14a). Which dating principles does this story clearly illustrate? Scriptural Guidelines for Dress and Appearance←⤒🔗Not only are all types of sinful reading materials forbidden by God's seventh commandment, but also all talking, joking, body movements, or any other action by which immorality in thought, desire, or action is promoted. This includes immodest dress. God commands us to always dress modestly when in the presence of others. To not do so is sinful and will create temptation for others to sin also. The Word of God teaches six principles regarding our dress and appearance as shown in the following chart. We are not to take away, nor add to God's Word in this matter; we must not permit that which God condemns, but we must also not condemn that which God permits.
Possibly someone who has read these articles on the seventh commandment is despairing. He or she has gone too far. Immodesty of dress, wrong types of entertainment, forbidden activity and/or other matters have been sinfully engaged in. These matters cannot be redone and a guilty, polluted, disappointed and depressing feeling is left. To such, the Word of God gives hope. In Jesus Christ, all sins may be forgiven, all types of sinners may be washed clean. There is a new beginning possible in Him for the greatest of sinners. Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in the very act of adultery. He condemned her sin but not her person or future life. He said, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:11). Dear teens and young people: Are you praying "lead us not into temptation" and striving to walk accordingly? May God grant us grace to walk circumspectly in all matters that relate to the seventh commandment. What is the meaning of Do not commit adultery?Not to have intercourse with another man's wife. There shall be no intercourse with a woman, without previous marriage with a deed of marriage and formal declaration of marriage.
What does the 7th Commandment mean for kids?God expects us to be faithful in keeping our promises. Keeping your promises is about trust. If you keep your promises, you are showing yourself to be trustworthy. Being trustworthy is important to God and to the relationships around you.
What is the 7th Commandment of the Bible?The Seventh Commandment of the Ten Commandments could refer to: "Thou shalt not commit adultery", under the Philonic division used by Hellenistic Jews, Greek Orthodox and Protestants except Lutherans, or the Talmudic division of the third-century Jewish Talmud.
What does the 7th Commandment mean you shall not steal?The seventh commandment forbids unjustly taking or keeping the goods of one's neighbor and wronging him in any way with respect to his goods. It commands justice and charity in the care of earthly goods and the fruits of men's labor.
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